Watcher
by Bohemian Storm
Summary: "You're mine and I will watch you." A look into an obsessive relationship Severus has with Remus Lupin. Slashy implications.


Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns them, I wish I did because then I could . well, never mind. :D Notes: Written in about half an hour to satisfy my intense need for some Snape/Lupin slash.  
  
Watcher  
  
I watch you move in your class when I have none to teach. I watch your hands slide over the papers you hand out to students, your smile almost reaching your sad eyes every time a student makes a joke. I watch the way you bend, the way you move, and the way your hand looks when you're scribbling notes on the blackboard. I watch the students watch you, knowing that they know more than they should. I watch Hermione Granger, waiting for the day when she chooses to spill your secret to someone.  
  
I watch over you and yet, you have no idea. My eyes are always on you, they drift to you without my knowledge or permission. You've shattered my bitter and cold shell and you don't even know. I study you during meals, my eyes intently following the food from the fork to your mouth. You chew slowly, tongue darting out to clear your lips of any crumbs that may be there. You swallow and I watch, my own mouth going dry as you move in ways I never knew you could.  
  
We were in school together, how could I have not seen the way your smile turned up one corner of your mouth more than the other? Were your eyes always so deep, so sad? What happened over the past ten years to make your hair so grey, to make your eyes so lined and tired? And why, despite all these imperfections, despite how damn old you've gotten, do you still intrigue me in ways I never thought possible? How did you get so far embedded into my brain, my thought process, my gut? I feel you with every move I make and sometimes I hate it.  
  
I hate your golden eyes, your blonde hair streaked with grey. I hate the way you move but I can't look away. I need to watch you, to study you and decide why I want you like I do. I need to know what it is that's so damn appealing about you. I have to rationalize this tugging in my gut, this feeling that's always there no matter where I go or what I do. It drives me to the brink of madness, watching you without letting you know that my eyes are always on your face and your body. I need you to know that I watch you and that I hate it.  
  
I need to feel you close to me, so badly that sometimes I feel as if I'm being smothered slowly. Someone has placed a pillow over my face and I'm drowning in feathers, in you. It hurts and I can never tell anyone. I have no one to tell. The only person I would ever tell would you be and . . . I can never tell you. You would be shocked, repulsed, you would throw me out of your room. You'd never look at my face again and I would be broken. No one breaks me.  
  
The goblet of wolfsbane quivers slightly in my hand as I wait for you to come to the door. Within seconds you're standing there, staring at me with a quizzical sort of grin on your face. Then you see the goblet and you understand. I've come to administer my daily dose of affection; the extent of my conversation with you relies on this goblet of wolfsbane. Everything I feel is poured into the concoction, but you can't taste it or see it. You don't even know it's there.  
  
"Severus," you say and smile. I want to kiss you or hit you, I can't decide which.  
  
"Lupin," I reply, then hand you the goblet.  
  
"Come in while I drink this?" you ask.  
  
Do you think I will refuse such an invitation? Not when the results could be so perfect . . . or so disastrous. My throat clenches as I realize all the things that could go wrong, but I nod anyway, as if my body is acting without the consent of my brain. I want to watch you drink; I want to watch a thin droplet of liquid slip down your lip and cling to your chin. I want you, but I can never say that.  
  
You move aside and I brush past, my cloaks billowing around me. I catch a smile on your face, but whether it is because I'm here or because of my grand entrance that I can never go without, I don't know. Perhaps it's both. We'll see eventually, won't we?  
  
"I can't thank you enough for making this for me," you say, taking a sip.  
  
I nod curtly; it's the only answer I can give while you're licking your lips as gently as you are. It causes my throat to constrict again and a heavy weight to settle in my stomach.  
  
"Severus?" you asked softly. "Are you alright? You look sick. Do you need to sit down?"  
  
I can't tear my eyes away from your mouth as you speak, words pouring sensuously over your lips and into the air around us. I hate you; I hate all your movements that make me lose the power of speech. You have no idea what you're doing to me and yet I hate you for it.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"I'm fine, Lupin," I reply. "I haven't all night to sit and watch you drink that." Yes, yes, I do. Take your time, lick your lips, and swallow slowly. Let me watch; let me fantasize about the things I'll never have, let your tongue glide over the edge of the cup so that I can taste you later in my chambers.  
  
You give me another one of those sad smiles that tear me up inside. You are the epitome of kindness, what would you want with a bitter old man such as myself? You are what the world needs, Remus Lupin and I am just a waste of skin. I don't deserve to breathe the same oxygen.  
  
You swallow the contents of the goblet, then walk over and hand it back. My cold fingers graze over yours so softly, your hands are warm and soft and I want to drop the goblet and hold on more than anything. But I won't, I just take back the goblet and give you another curt nod.  
  
"See you tomorrow night," you say on my way out.  
  
I collapse against the wall, the goblet nearly crushed in my grip. Yes, I will see you tomorrow night, Remus, and the night after and the night after that, until my mind is completely consumed by you. You will drive me insane because I can never have you. You're better than me, but that won't stop my endless watch.  
  
The goblet smells like you, your wolf scent clings to it and I breathe it in as it surrounds me. It's everywhere; you're everywhere and I can't escape you.  
  
Instead, I watch. My eyes will never leave you, I promise you, Remus. I will watch over you, I will protect you. You're mine and I will watch you.  
  
End 


End file.
